Our Spanish holiday was very much like the movie The Good the Bad and the Ugly. It even started the same way! Remember how the opening scene takes place in a ghost town? Well so did ours, except in our case, the ghost town was Madrid. The Spanish version also does something few (if any) Spaghetti Westerns do, it stars 3 cowgirls and 1 cowboy...
Anna (Jeremy's mum) and Jess (Jeremy's sister).
The JeTZ (from such blogs as Monster's Inc and The Miracle of the stink Stone.)
In the original movie, there were plenty of shoot outs in bars. The Spanish Squad, as they came to be known by those close to them, had shooters in bars instead...or in Anna's case a cocktail.
In Toledo, the weapon of choice was the sword. There were rumours of of men testing the worthiness of their newly-made swords on the first peasant they would come across. If the peasant's head came off in one clean cut, the sword was deemed suitable. These guys didn't have time for swords to be made so here you can see this heroine using her weapon of choice: giant Chup-a-Chups.
Anna and Jess were left to sort out the mob in Toledo while the JeTZ duo flew off to Mallorca. It was supposed to be a romantic island getaway: blue skies, beautiful beaches and a classy hotel. But what they encountered was not just bad and ugly, it was evil and hideous. Scores of obese poms and Germans, screaming kids and pork burgers confronted them from the word go. And later they would have to put up with rainy days, sheer boredom and Woman's World Wrestling dubbed in Spanish. And then there was the devastating discovery that if you wring washing too much, it can stretch beyond your wildest imagination...
Fortunately on one of the days they were there, the sun decided to show itself and so it was time to hit the beach. When they got there, hundreds of porky red-bellied tourists had claimed the beach umbrellas and left the JeTZ to take a long walk down the beach to find a clear spot. Along the way, they came across a woman selling fruit. Luckily for the JeTZ the tourists were queuing outside the pork burger vendor and so they had the pick of the crop.
Here you can see Jez staking ownership of the spot of beach they would lie on for the rest of the day. As you can see, the tourists knew who was boss around here and stayed well clear of their spot. Things were starting to look good and it was time to meet the rest of the Spanish Squad in Barcelona...
These days, cowpeople are more sophisticated. They've moved on from riding around on horses. Here you can see the transport mode of choice for our heroes was the moped. It didn't actually run faster than a horse but it didn't crap all over the streets either so it was definitely a step up.
Things were a little bit different in Barcelona. Although the city was vibrant and colourful they were always on guard sometimes being forced to camouflage themselves in very unusual ways. Cowgirl hats are almost never covered in fruit and so the hat was ditched as soon as the coast was clear.
This is Gaudi's famous dragon feature. Although there is no known cure for dragons who pee from their mouths, Jess was able to put her veterinary skills to good use by leaning into to the dragon's ear and whispering words of comfort.
In Monachil, Sierra Nevada, the JeTZ were having a few issues finding their way around. Half the problem was that they were did not know exactly what they were looking for. They knew they were heading for a place called "Los Cahorros" but what that actually was, well they still don’t know. They only knew it was their mission to get there. The other half of the problem was that Jez did not understand TZ's sign language. Here you can see her pointing in one direction which when translated means "do NOT go down there" but Jez not fluent in *Spanish* sign language misunderstood and they landed up somewhat lost...
After an hour or more walking along a river bed surrounded by cave walls and lush greenery, they crossed the river and headed back...only the way back was a little less scenic, a lot hotter, a lot steeper and there wasn’t a single other person around...
Things were starting to look bleak until Jez stumbled across an oasis. Was it a cold pool to sooth them from the searing heat? No, the oasis was nothing but a bath filled with stagnant water and a lonesome dead lizard. How and why a bath was dumped in the middle of nowhere is anyone's guess...
They arrived back in Granada safely and it was time to quit the game, settle down and relax. No more duelling and no more hiking, just chilling with sweet Bedouin tea and an apple flavoured shisha....it was all good!
Anna (Jeremy's mum) and Jess (Jeremy's sister).
