Thursday, October 05, 2006

Cambridge: The Cow Incident

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I like to call the above photo "the calm before the storm". Here we have a perfectly innocent picture of a tree standing between Jez and a cow. What you cannot see is that this cow was actually trying to relieve itself of an itch on said tree. It was pretty cute so I insisted that Jeremy have a photo with it.

What followed was a series of provocations which led to me being attacked by a cow and Jeremy saving the day. Now I don't wish to play the blame game here but I believe there is sufficient evidence to prove that most of this provocation was done but the less fairer of the JETZ team.

The video below shows another a cow in the paddock we were walking through being filmed in its 'natural state'. Other provocations included moo noises and references to burger king.

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I must admit, at the time I didn't think the cows minded being filmed. As you may have heard I simply told Jez in the video he lacked decorum. I told him this was Cambridge after all!

However, shortly after this footage was taken another cow headed towards me and started to head butt me. I moved backwards. She moved forwards and butted me again. I figured if I ran she would run after me, pin me to the ground and make me beg for mercy before trampling all over me and turning me into a beef patty. Oh the irony!

So I lowered my head and crouched down slightly thinking she would realise I was not a threat. This did not work. The cow advanced. Jeremy meanwhile, put on his blue cape and red undies and stepped in to distract the cow. I made my escape. The cow had found a new victim. However, Jez did not follow in my footsteps. He simply moved to the side and the cow continued on.

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This is a re-enactment of a cow moving in one direction. One simply has to move out of its way and not stand there pretending to be a lesser creature.

The next day, Jez received some advice from his not so local vet (his sister Jessica) on what to do if a cow attacks you.

She advised the following:

1) Cows are slow and stupid and how could one be attacked by a cow?


2) Should it come to pass that a cow does indeed start head butting you, it is best to manoeuvre around the cow so that you are behind it and then head butt it from behind. I am guessing this would aid the cow to continue to move in the direction it was going in the first place?

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