Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Covent Garden: Hoodie vs Pierre Cardin

Hoodie (noun): A close fitting shirt with a hood. A derogatory slang term used describe a person who wears one. In the UK hoodies have been associated with delinquency as the hood is used to conceal the wearer's identity when committing criminal acts.

It was so quick that neither of us could have identified the thief in a line up. There were 2 of them, although I never saw the other one. In fact the only thing I remember seeing was a dark figure appear and disappear like a shadow. Jez never even saw this much. He only saw that his mobile had been swiped clean off the table.

We were having dinner at the Rock Garden in Covent Garden. We were sitting outside but undercover right at the entrance to the restaurant. I was facing the doorway looking out onto the street. Should anyone have called, Jez was certainly ready to answer with his phone right next to him on the table. Should anyone decide to nick said phone however, no one was ready for that. It was really only when Jez fled from the table shouting "MOTHER F***ER, MOTHER F***ER! I’M GONNA RIP YOUR F***ING HEAD OF WHEN I CATCH YOU" that every one in the restaurant (including me) and out in the street knew something had been stolen.

I did a quick inventory check of the valuables on the table. I had landed up with Jez’s wallet somehow. I learned later he threw it to me before leaving. I sighed a relief when I realised that it had only been his mobile. I sighed an even bigger relief when I remembered it was a crappy old phone with prepaid on it. I advised everyone around me that it had been his phone but that luckily it was crappy old one with prepaid on it. Everyone agreed that it was the principle of the matter.

Meanwhile, Jez chased the thief through the market square. He did not have the upper hand in anyway. He was kitted out with his new Pierre Cardin coat and work shoes while the thief had sneakers and a hoodie which come to think of it would have been more aerodynamic than Jez’s new boof-head do.

However, many hours on the treadmill had finally paid off as Jez gained on the hoodie– despite a chair being flung back at him! Always thinking, Jez had a plan of attack. He was going to pounce, cat on mouse style, grabbing the thief by the throat ensuring the head would smack into the pavement on landing. A wise idea given a knocked-out thief would have found it hard to pull out plan B (a knife or something.) The phone went flying and the so did the hoodie. Jez turned the thief over with his fist ready for a punch. To his dismay, he turned over a woman. Apparently, it is not cool to hit a woman especially when she says things like "they make me to do it".

To my delight, Jez returned to the restaurant triumphant. He did not wear his jocks on the outside of his pants. He is too modest for that. His efforts were applauded by the crowd but not by the staff. We still had to pay the bill.

The evening had only just begun for us. Dinner was followed up by a trip to the theatre to see The Woman in Black. A ghoulish story in which the main character is a fleeting ghost who wears a hooded black outfit to hide her flesh-eaten face. After the play, we couldn’t help but wonder if the Woman in Black also had a penchant for stealing phones?

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